I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
