i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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