I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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