I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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