OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
