That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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