i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
