After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
