how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
