dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
