I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.