I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats