I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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