omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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