i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
