my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
