You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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