Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
