Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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