another moral hangover. fuck.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You took a bar mat shot.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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