He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
