it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sarcasm needs its own font
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
