You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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