for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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