Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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