is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
