The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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