whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
