i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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