She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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