My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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