She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
