You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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