Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
