I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
