dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
