I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
