I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
