If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
