Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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