my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
