He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
