Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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