My room smells like vodka and shame
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
