just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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