there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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