I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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