As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.