And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.