There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?