So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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