Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
