They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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