That's intense
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
