you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
