He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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