wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
