So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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