I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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