I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
